Insanity

The other day I was talking to my dad. He brought up the quote, "Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." I have heard this quote a lot and I've always been annoyed with it because if the person is doing the same thing over and over again, then they still have hope. But if you give up, then there is no hope. Anyway, my dad was bringing this up to encourage me to make a decision about something. AND I HAVE!!

Dating is insanity. You find, date someone hoping for a certain result and you don't get it. But for some reason you do it again. WHAT?? WHY?! Therefore dating is insanity. You date different people over and over again hoping for a certain result, but you don't get it. So if it is not working out why do it anymore? That is the definition of insanity, is it not?

If I were to follow the advice from this quote, I should stop dating forever because I have done it over and over and the end result has not come to fruition. So I'll resist the urge to be insane.

Now I know what you are thinking. "Maren, your prince charming will come, it is just timing, don't give up, blah blah blah." Save it, I know. But for now I choose to not be insane. For now I will take the time to be sane. For now I will take the time for me, and one day I'll want Love's confusing joy again, just not today.

Sorry, Dad, I took your advice in a different direction than you intended, but it works for me.

Addicted...Not So Sweet

So about five weeks ago I started a no sweets (desserts, candy, etc) diet. Kind of crazy, right? Here is the background for my decision. My job can get stressful, annoying, agitating, irrational and many more negative adjectives, and the only way me and my coworkers could get the the day was by eating chocolate. Now it wasn't like we were stuffing our faces like the kid on Matilda (seen below), but it was getting ridiculous.

I realized I was eating way too many sweets and I felt addicted. Seriously, I craved it ALL the time. So I just blurted out one day that I was not going to eat sweets for 8 weeks (I chose 8 weeks because that is how long I would be in school for the term). My boss was there and was of course doubtful of my ability to last that long. To be frank, I was super irritated with him by saying that. But he is a boy, they are irritating at times.

This whole no sweets thing has been so weird! The first few days I had a headache, which shows I truly was addicted. Then the next three weeks I dreamt about sweets every night. This is not a joke. I would dream about eating a cookie or chocolate and wake up feeling guilty that I ate sweets and didn't last. After a good ten minutes I would realize it was just a dream and relax.

Now by no means am I saying this is simple. A headache and persistent dreams have not been too bad, but the hard part is when you come face to face with the sugar wafting up your nose and causing you to enter a slight stupor. One of my male coworkers likes to eat peanut M&M's. This would not be a problem except for the fact that they are my favorite candy and when he comes to talk to me I can smell it on his breath and I flat out tell him to go away so I don't have to smell it. Furthermore, my boss as I mentioned earlier knows I'm doing the no sweets thing and he brings breakfast for us every Thursday for out staff meeting. I told him the day before to bring something healthy. He normally brings, bagels or sweet rolls, so as long as he didn't bring the sweet rolls I would be fine. What did he bring?! COOKIES!! What the heck?!!! Do you feed your kids cookies for breakfast? No, I didn't think so. Why? Because it is not HEALTHY!!!!! For real! So I had pretzel sticks for breakfast that morning. And to note, he brought cookies again the next week. Why? You weren't doing that before I started the no sweets diet. Just goes to show guys are really oblivious.

Also, I am taking some classes on campus for my prerequisites for grad school and in my Microbiology class the students do presentations on different diseases. Now what truly makes a presentation enticing to listen to? You got it!!! Sweets! Cookies, chocolates, candy, more chocolate! I groan every time someone pulls out sweets. The group of people around me know my predicament and just turn and smile at me as I squirm in my chair as the smell of the chocolate and peanut butter no bake cookies are passed to me. Ugh! I hate my sense of smell at those moments. But I have a goal and I am sticking to it! To tell you the truth most of the things brought in have not been that tempting. Dry chocolate chip cookies, lollipops, sugar covered gummies, etc. The only thing that has been truly tempting is the pumpkin chocolate chip cookies. HOMEMADE TOO!! I was dying. I had to look away to keep myself from salivating. (I sound like a rabid animal)

But all in all I am doing great. At week five I am not having anymore cravings, my love handles are gone, no dreams about sweets and I feel fabulous. But I will have you know I am planning what my first sweet will be on June 16th. I do like how I feel when I'm not eating sweets all the time, so I think I will make this a more permanent thing and only eat sweets on special occasions (like my wedding...which ain't happening, so I guess I'm off sweets FOREVER!! haha)

***I do have a disclaimer though. When my mom was in town they ordered sweet rice with mangoes and I had never had that, so I had a few granules of the rice. ALSO, I went to a party and saw the chocolate chip cookie dough party dip there from pinterest and I knew I was never going to make it for myself, so I tried a little. Those are my only cheats, and I feel okay about them.

Soundtrack to My Day

So today I was walking up to campus and had my ipod on shuffle. I like to leave it on shuffle to see what my ipod thinks my soundtrack is for that day (it can feel my mood, my ipod and I are that in touch). Here was the first song of the day and it hit home pretty hard. (Weird video though)

Dear Juliet -If the Moon Fell Down Tonight

Other Songs on my Soundtrack for the Day:

1. Dear Juliet -If the Moon Fell Down Tonight
2. Strays Don't Sleep - Blue Skies
3. Louis St. Louis - Rock 'N Roll Party Queen (Don't know why my ipod chose that)
4. Jennifer Lopez - Let's Get Loud
5. Dido - Don't Leave Home
6. Feist - Honey Honey
7. Evan & Jaron - Crazy for This Girl
8. Backstreet Boys - Don't Wanna Lose You Now
9. Nickelback - Hero (yep, I think this is a great song)

All the Single Ladies (me included) and Gents

So I was perusing facebook today and found the following article. Now I am as much a culprit as the next who runs away from relationships for stupid reasons, but this article made me realize I shouldn't run away because of fear. And in all honesty this article came at a good time for me. Enjoy! You should read it even if you are not single. It gives some good insight on promptings.

I'm Anxious - So Let's Break Up

Alisa Snell - Dating Coach - 2 days ago

Many singles experience doubts about their relationships. In some cases the anxiety is so high they flee the relationship. Is this anxiety a warning from God or is it something else? Are they dodging danger or losing out on a valuable dating and relationship experience?

Dating can be stressful. It isn’t easy to interpret what the other person is doing or saying, what it means, or how to react. The uncertainty of when or if someone will call or do their part is painful and makes the person feel powerless. Additionally, singles fear missing the warning signs of bad, abusive, or neglectful relationships. And they fear wasting others’ (or their own) time.

As a marriage and family therapist and dating coach, I know that the answer to these problems isn’t to break up but to become better educated about the opposite sex, dating, and relationships. This will empower individuals and assist them in developing valuable personal, spiritual, and dating skills.

So how can a single man or woman know when the Spirit is warning them to leave a relationship and when they are just experiencing the anxiety that comes from not knowing what to do?

Spiritual Warnings

There are many ways to discern the difference between anxiety and spiritual warnings.

The Spirit will speak to the mind and to the heart (D&C 8:2). Strong compelling emotions that are not backed up by solid examples, facts, or experiences are probably not of the Spirit.

For example, a client of mine had intense fears about marrying her boyfriend, but when we reviewed the warning signs of someone who would be potentially abusive or manipulative (i.e. they lack empathy, self-control, and personal responsibility), all of her experiences clearly indicated that he showed a tremendous amount of empathy, a history of self-control, and a willingness to take responsibility and work on his problems. Thus, her strong emotions did not speak to both her mind and her heart, so they would be caused by a different source than the Spirit (i.e. panic, fear, and anxiety—all of which she can develop skills to resolve).

The truth is established by two or three witnesses (2 Corinthians 13:11). Our Father in Heaven does not expect us to make decisions based on one-time promptings or vague impressions. Instead he sends us multiple witness of the truth and confirms this truth with multiple sources, thus ensuring that we can have confidence and clarity in the Spirit and what it is trying to say.

Relative to the client described above, we carefully reviewed her experiences, looking for consistent spiritual impressions and messages, while confirming these experiences with insights from important third parties (such as her parents, friends, and church leaders). Not only did this process reveal no evidence of significant warning signs, but it further confirmed that he was a good choice for a husband.

The Spirit enlightens the mind, fills with joy and confidence, casts out fear, and speaks by a still small voice (D&C 11:13, 2 Timothy 1:7, 3 Nephi 11:30). The Spirit encourages, inspires, warns, and prompts, but doesn’t compel. Strong emotions that are persistent and unrelenting (such as panic and anxiety) are not of God. At times we will feel warnings from the truth we discover, but these warnings do not cause doubt, powerlessness, and despair, they instead inspire knowledge, confidence, and action. Thus, when discerning between truth and error singles can avoid being deceived by looking to the fruits of their emotions (3 Nephi 14:20). Do their thoughts and emotions inspire confidence, truth, love, knowledge, joy, and action, or do they create anxiety, panic, despair, helplessness, worthlessness, withdrawal, isolation, and inactivity?

In spite of my client’s strong emotions of panic and anxiety (which can impair her ability to feel the Spirit at times), she was able to find peaceful moments in which she knew her boyfriend was a good option and marriage was appropriate, if she chose to proceed forward. She knew spiritually that her Heavenly Father wanted this choice to be hers and that he would help her find tools to manage her anxiety and increase her confidence and joy in the relationship. It was difficult at times for her to silence her doubts and lean on her faith, but she was able to marry her boyfriend and within a few months she related that her anxiety was under control and she was happily married.

The importance of dating and relationship skills

For those singles who are tempted to walk away from a dating or relationship opportunity, I would challenge you to first look at yourself and to ask:

-Do I feel anxious and don’t know how to calm this anxiety, except through withdrawing?

-Do I feel confused about what the person is thinking or what I can do to affect the situation positively?

-Do I feel uncertain about where this is going, so I want to take control and break up before they break up with me?

-Am I uncertain of the warning signs of the neglectful, abusive, or manipulative, and as such I am inclined to see warning signs everywhere (i.e. I have an overall negative view of men or women)?

If you don’t know what to do to manage your emotions, if you don’t understand dating or the opposite sex, and if you have a negative view of the opposite sex, withdrawing will not resolve these problems or help you develop the skills you need.

These fears and anxieties are normal and can be alleviated with education and support. Now is the time to develop the dating and relationship skills you need to succeed.

- -

This article is sponsored by Alisa Goodwin Snell, a licensed marriage and family therapist and dating coach with 17 years of experience. Alisa is the author of the “It’s Not You—It’s Your Technique” dating system.

© LDS Living, 2012.

Lazy

Sometimes I check my blog and think, "This girl is so lame! She never blogs!" Then I realize it is me. I am lame and lazy but have things to say soon. So stay tuned, my few readers.

Mind Thoughts....Thoughts on Mind

~I am studying for the GRE and it is not easy remembering math principles you learned in high school. What a struggle! But I remain optimistic. My test date is March 29th. Any study suggestions are graciously welcomed.

~I miss my family a lot. I want to visit my sweet niece and feel like I am part of her life.

 I miss my brother, Trent. He is serving as a missionary for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints and I am so proud of him. But I have to admit I had some stuff on my mind the other day and I wanted so badly to call him and tell him about it like I use to and I couldn't do it. I was so sad I actually started crying I missed him so much.

I miss my brother, Eric. He is so grown up now and I want to spend as much time with him as I can before he leaves on his mission in less than a year because I know I will cry when I can't talk to him either. He is a pretty funny guy and I love doing things with him. He has really grown into an amazing young man who unbeknownst to many people, is very sensitive to how people feel and loves making people feel good.

I miss my sister, Jonelle. She is so much fun to be around because she always has something new she has learned about, whether it be food storage, the gospel, stories in the news, stories about family, funny jokes or pretty much anything else. She is kind of a research guru. She says she hates school, but I have never seen someone with so much passion for learning. And I call her the safe child. I think she hates that title haha, but she has such a strong directed mind to choose the right and be cautious so everyone is safe and protected. I think her stalwart personality plays such a big part in out family as a whole and without it we would not be us. Plus she has great hair!

I miss my brother, Seth and my sister-in-law, Leia. They are such a fun couple and are always thinking of fun activities. I miss Seth's love for a good laugh. When we had our first semester together at BYU we would go out to lunch (i.e. I would pay for his lunch with my dining card) and then people watch and laugh at the funny things we saw. Seth is a great older brother. He looks after me in a rather quiet manner. When I date someone he meets them, talks with them to get a feel for their personality, and then watches. Haha and he usually knows if the guy is worth anything, but he keeps quiet so I am the one to make the decision about the guy. Or if I persist in dating the guy and get hurt, Seth is right there to tell me he was a wash out and not good enough for me. Seth is a lot like my dad. He is forgiving and protective, but never overbearing. He loves the gospel and uses it in his daily life and I love that he is not afraid to open his mouth and share the truths that he knows. I am grateful to him for bringing Leia into our family. She is literally a bundle of fun, laughter, intelligence and love. Leia is always willinging to play, joke around and go on adventures. I am so happy for Seth and Leia's new journey as parents and know they are great parents. I miss their little family, including their pets.

 

I miss my parents. Really that is an understatement. My mom is so dear to me. She always has a smile on her face and she is the most chirper person in the morning. Seriously she would make sure I was up for seminary at 5:30 am during high school and she would always happily open my door to see if I was awake. And can I just say this lady is wonder woman. She really can do anything she puts her mind to and do it in a classy way. With this personality she encourages us to be our very best. I miss running errands and working on projects with her. I love that she is so invested in people and cares about everyone. My dad is the same way. Someone the other day said my dad was a legend and he had never talked to my dad, he had only seen him. And in all honesty, I agree. My dad is so humble, kind and the hardest worker I know. I have watched him grow just as much as I have in the last twenty-four years and he is a great example that progression never ends. People say girls marry men just like their fathers and I would be happy with a man with the same values and heart as my father. I miss watching my parents relationship. When they talk about each other, there is no questioning their love for each other. They both say they married up and I guess that goes to show you marry someone who will help you be your best self. They really are like royalty in my eyes. I am so lucky to call them my parents.



Now I see these two more than the rest of my family, but I still miss them. I miss Chalyce and Ryan. I should spend more time with them since they live less than five minutes from me. But I love Chalyce's attention to updates in my life. She is very sensitive to the promptings of the Spirit and does not hesitate to act. She is kind to everyone and exhibits Christlike attributes on a daily basis. She is caring and loves to serve. She and her husband, Ryan are a perfect match and compliment each other well with their love for the gospel, sports and people. They have so much love to give and I am excited to see them grow together.

Well that was a lot on my family hahaha. Here are some other things on my mind....

~I wish I could convince myself to spend the money on my favorite fragrance on amazon.com. It is discontinued and there are only so many left. Ugh, decisions. I have to think of an excuse to treat myself haha.

~I need to decide which schools I want to apply to and call them to get more details on the application process.

~I need to be more dedicated to the gym. I have "personal trainer". Not really, it is just some friends that do circuit routines. But it is so much easier doing them with people instead of by yourself. On the bright side, I have gotten stronger!

~I need to find a place to live for Fall haha. That is such an annoying thought that bugs me all too often.

~I need to call my friends and catch up. (Danni Wright you are on my list)

~I need to write my friends and brother on missions.

~I need to do laundry haha

~I need to make lemon poppy seed muffins because they are so good.

~I need to think of clever ways to get people to visit me in Utah.

~I need to visit my grandparents in Orem, Utah.

~I need to visit my grandparents in Modesto, California.

~I need to have more patience.

~I need to offer service more.

~I need to be more Christlike.

That is my mind dump for right now. It was a little much, but just goes to show I have lots on my mind at all times.

Warms My Heart

Yesterday, a patient came in with her nine month old son. The two of them went into the exam room like most routine patients do and I didn't think much of the situation. However, when the exam was over the mom decided to get fitted for glasses. As she was picking her frame, her little boy kept making noises. I finally looked up and he was looking right at me. When I looked at him he squealed with joy, smiled and waved at me. My heart melted.

For the next fifteen minutes that little boy and I bonded and laughed. Every time I looked at him he smiled and widened his eyes with excitement. While his mom was waiting for her glasses he would crawl around the floor. I left the room for a second and when I came back he got up and walked to me. I extended my hands to him and he took them and pulled himself up off the ground so I could hold him. His mom apologized and took him back. I went back to my desk and there he was again! He reached up for me and he sat with me at my desk for a few minutes, till it was time for them to leave.

I don't know why this little boy liked me so much, but he changed the rest of my day. I continued to think about little Drake all day and how his simple smile warmed my heart. Little Drake was my tender mercy for the day. Children really portray the essence of being Christlike and showing love unconditionally. Are we not counseled to become as a little child? As a child is humble, teachable and loving, we too must be. What a great example Drake was for me.

3 Nephi 11:38 "And again I say unto you, ye must repent, and be baptized in my name, and become as a little child, or ye can in nowise inherit the kingdom of God."